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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

How I Beat The Post-College Blues

source: Domaine Home

I have a confession to make: I've been going through the post-college blues and while I casually mentioned it on one of my Instagram photos (this one to be exact), I actually didn't go into detail about it cause I just assumed it would go away quickly. Ha! Good one, Ruya. When you're a sensitive person and emotional person like I am (on the Myers-Briggs scale, I'm an INFJ!), you tend to feel things on a deeper level. That old saying is true: it's a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply. Of course, I'm going to be sad that college is over. It's a normal reaction cause I'm heading into the next phase of my life so it only makes sense to feel emotional about it. So why did I feel more sad than other people?

Honestly, finishing college made me feel like, well...old all of a sudden. It made me feel lost because school was the only thing that I ever have known. On top of it, I went to college for an extra year because I switched my major so I became extra-attached to college compared to most people. The irony is that I complained about college a lot and assumed that I would have this big huge moment of relief when it was all over. Yet I took my last final and remembered feeling no relief whatsoever. There was no weight off my shoulders, there was no feeling of accomplishment. It was strange, to say the least. I can honestly say the only day during these past couple of weeks that I felt some sort of happiness and pride was during my graduation yet that feeling quickly faded away once it was all over and I realized I had nothing else to look forward to. I remember waking up the day after graduation and thinking to myself "Well, now what?". 

Ever since then, my life has turned into a lifeless routine where I wake up, go to the gym, come back and spend the rest of the day researching and applying to jobs out of state (with no luck!), and then have dinner, and binge-watch 80's/90's shows (Golden Girls and Designing Women is everything) until I go to sleep. I came to the realization that I felt so special being a "college kid" and that life was so much easier back then because you didn't have to deal with the real world just yet. And then when you're finally in the real world, you realize that you're just like everyone else and things are just so...dull. On top of it, all my life I've dreamed of having the opportunity to move out of Rochester and live someplace warmer and now that it's finally here: no place wants to hire me. Talk about a reality check! I have a new level of appreciation for people that are job-hunting. It's rough and college really doesn't teach you anything much about getting a job out of state. I felt like I let myself down because I assumed I would've gotten a job by now and at least would've started apartment-hunting. But once again, I've learned in life that nothing ever goes the way that you imagined it will. 

Then one day I found myself walking around in the quiet aisles of Target (my happy place) in the afternoon where the only people there at that time is me and stay at home moms/dads. I ended up walking by the office supply section and staring at those darn cute supplies that only Target would sell and wishing I could buy something for my nonexistent cubicle. One minute I was looking at Eiffel Tower scissors and then the next minute I was holding back tears and feeling more alone and confused than ever.

Then I had a moment of clarity that I haven't felt in a long time. I was doing everything in my power to achieve my goals and the rest is up to time. There's a certain sense of peace that took hold of me after I realized this and I've been repeating it to myself everyday ever since. Not everything is in my control and I'm wasting my life by living for the next achievement. I realized that I'm in another period of transformation and this is all temporary. I think as human beings we feel so stuck in our current situations that we think that we're going to stay in that same situation forever. We tend to forget that life can change so quickly.  So what did I do? I still kept applying for jobs but I also started enjoying my free time more. It occurred to me that this would probably be one of the few times in my life where I would have so much time for myself without any serious commitments. I started hanging out with friends more and started talking about things other than finding a job, I picked up a hobby that's helping me to make money (I'll talk more about that in an upcoming post!), I started exploring my city more, and most of all just doing things that I normally wouldn't have time for if I was in school or at work. It's funny how things change once you change your perspective.

So the end of college doesn't mean that it's the end of life. It's just a transition and what's important is to focus on all the possibilities that the future can bring. Spend all of your time and energy focusing on the good and good will come right back. Most importantly, I like to remind myself (and others!) that I haven't even scratched the surface yet of what I can really accomplish in life. There's so many more adventures that are coming up 

Thanks for reading,


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